Tugging at a Memory
by suki2618
Summary: After the events of TGITF, Rose needs some time to herself in the Tardis. She recollects New Years day 2005, a strange man telling her she's going to have a great year, there's something familiar about it all but she just can't seem to place it...
1. Chapter 1

**AN Hello! This is my first Doctor Who fanfic, I got the inspiration to write a little two-parter as I've just come back from seeing David Tennant in Much Ado and going to the dw experience last week in London and it made me feel all nostalgic…I gathered a post- GITF fic is one of the necessary stories to write about for doctor/rose shippers as I can't believe anyone likes that episode without imaging some sort of understanding to occur between Rose/doc afterwards? Well that's what I like to console myself with anyway! At this rate the AN shall be longer than the actual post so here we go! *all recognisable characters belong to the BBC etc***

"_Tell you what, I bet you're gonna have a really great year"_

"_Yeah?" Rose smiled at the strange man in the shadows hoping he was right. Seeing that he wasn't going to reply she widened her smile and nodded._

"_See ya" taking one last glance at the man Rose raced inside to the warmth. _

Eyes springing open Rose stared up at the starry night sky that the Tardis was simulating, she hadn't even realised she'd dosed off. This room with its apple grass floor and old oak trees was a favourite of hers; she often wandered in after a particularly difficult adventure or just when she needed to clear her head. As much as she loved the Doctor, the 100-miles an hour ramblings on the inner workings of an electro-magnetic thingymajig- his words not hers- drove her round the bend.

They were spinning around the vortex for a few days after the whole Reinette saga and Rose just needed some time to herself. Mickey had discovered the games room and was safely ensconced there for the foreseeable future. The doctor was tinkering away in the console room pretending to be okay when he thought he was being observed. She knew better. She saw the sadness etched into his ancient eyes, how his face would fall when he thought no-one was looking. She wanted him to confide in her, wanted him to open up to her. After all they had been through she thought she understood their relationship, they were Rose and the Doctor, better with two and all that. Apparently she was wrong yet again. _Stupid ape._

She thought back to her dream, a recollection really, of that night. That figure slumped against the wall; there was something about him that was tugging at her memory, something that she felt she should know. Sighing in frustration she rearranged her head to a more comfortable position whilst the lights dimmed around her. _Thanks old girl._ Ever since the Game Station Rose had felt more connected to the Tardis, she always seemed to sense what Rose needed and adjusted the atmosphere accordingly, for this she was grateful. Sometimes she just needed to step back from the crazy and take a deep breath before jumping back in again. The whole Versailles trip was one massive load of insane and so Rose felt entitled to some relaxation and alone time. She knew the Doctor was hurting, she wanted to help him, but she was hurting too and she needed some time to sort out her jumbled feelings before she could properly be there for her Doctor.

First he had invited Mickey onboard, Mickey. Her ex-boyfriend who he had never shown any indication of liking, she just couldn't understand why he would want him on board. She loved Mickey, but not in the way she used to. She wanted him to be happy, to have someone like what she thought she had with the Doctor. She was in love the Doctor. There was no doubt in her mind that she was irrevocably in love with him, she knew the previous incarnation loved her back, she could sense it in everything he did, but this new, new Doctor… he had left her. Left her without a goodbye, without a way to get back mere days after promising her that she could spend the rest of her life with him. She was angry, she was disappointed, she was hurt. She was questioning her entire relationship with this new him. Was he really the same like he said? She had thought so at first, but now she wasn't so sure.

Rose let out a sigh and sat up. She looked around her tranquil surroundings wishing that her mind was this calm. She absent-mindedly started picking at the grass beside her, the apple aroma filling her senses. She briefly smiled in recollection at the memory of the first date in his new body. It quickly faded as flashes of clockwork men looming towards her replaced her once happy thoughts. There seemed to be no escape from this particular adventure, even in her memories.

Staring off into the distance she did not notice someone else entering the room. It was only when she spotted a cuppa tea put under her nose that she realised she was no longer alone.

**Thanks for reading, it's just a quick one, the second part should be up within the next couple of days!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Ello. Tea?"

Rose swivelled her head around to the voice that had interrupted her musings. She blinked twice before registering the fact that the Doctor was a few inches away from her holding out a steaming mug of tea for the taking.

"Ta." She gently took the mug out of his grasp and brought her other hand up to cradle it as she turned away continuing to stare out at the beautiful scenery that was generated in front of her. They were sat in a not quite comfortable silence until the Doctor eventually broke it.

"You alright? It's about 3am English time, shouldn't you be in bed? Humans and their sleep, I was under the impression that you love to sleep, I always have to drag the covers away from you to start the day. Is something wrong with your bed? Does the TARDIS need to fix it? Or I could I suppose, I can fix anything me, it may take a little while, and be slightly different to what I intended it to be, but I happen to like the improvements I've made to stuff. Take the toaster for instance, isn't it so much more brilliant now that it's sonic? You're looking at me weird? Why? Do you not like the new toaster? I could pop back to earth and go down to the local Argos and get a new one if you're that upset about it…"

"Doctor."

"Yes Rose?"

"Quit ramblin, the toaster is fine sonic, and I'm alright, we're always alright aren't we?" she attempted a smile but she was afraid that it would appear more like a grimace. The doctor noticed the strained expression on his favourite human's face and grew more concerned.

"Rose.."

"Yeah?"

"You're not alright are you?"

She just gave him a small, sad smile, all pretence of happiness gone.

" 'm fine, nothing for you to worry about Doctor."

"Rose.."

"seriously, 'm fine, more than fine, just tired y'know? Lots of running and stuff, I'll be good as new after a good night's sleep."

The Doctor just looked sceptical as she took another sip of her tea.

"I know today was hard, but we got through it though didn't we?" he nudged her slightly with his shoulder, this playful unaffected action that was intended to cheer Rose up just made her more annoyed as she bit out.

"Did y'know how to get back?" the Doctor looked confused for a moment.

"Huh?"

"Today, yesterday, whenever it was, when you jumped on that horse and ran straight into that mirror without a backward glance, did you know how to get back to us?"

The Doctor felt a sudden surge of understanding.

"Ah."

"Yeah, Doctor, Ah."

"I was only gone a few hours Rose, it all ended up fine in the end didn't it?"

"Tha's not answerin' my question is it? Did you know that me and Mickey were locked out of the TARDIS and had no idea how to reach you? That I had no idea whether I would even see you again? You never even said goodbye, you jus' jumped head first to Reinette and I had no idea what was happenin'. You said… you said you wouldn't leave me behind, you said I was different. Was that jus' said to shut me up? To fool me into thinkin' that you care about me as much as I do about you, so that you wouldn't be lonely until you could find someone else-"

Rose abruptly shut her mouth. She had said much more than she had meant to. She had felt the Doctor stiffen beside her as her little speech went on. She refused to meet his eyes even though she could feel his gaze burning into her; instead she swirled around her tea looking intently into the mug as if it held all of life's answers in its depths.

"You still don't realise do you Rose?"

"Wha'?" she unconsciously turned her head at the resigned and saddened expression on the Doctor's face.

He took the cup out of her grip and placed it on the ground between them. He grasped her hand tightly in his and studied their hands as she instinctively intertwined their fingers.

"This. Me. You. How we fit? You don't realise how rare that is for me? I told you before Rose, I'm a Time Lord, I'll live long after you're gone, as I've lived centuries before you were born. It's just difficult for me, this whole arrangement-"

"Oh-" here Rose motioned to remove her hand from his as pain seared her heart, _he didn't want her anymore, it's too difficult._

"Oh no you don't" he quickly reclaimed her hand "I said it's difficult, but when have I have shied away from difficult Rose Tyler?" he threw a quick smirk as he said her name. " what I said the other day is true, you can stay with me for as long as you like-"

"Forever?"

He smiled but there was a hint of sadness behind it,

"Yes for your forever you can stay with me, but not for mine. As much as I would wish otherwise, you will die Rose, well before I will. I just find it difficult to force myself to watch as it happens. I don't know if you've noticed but I tend to do stupid things when I'm trying to avoid emotional stuff. Not Time Lordy you see all these emotions and what not.

I suppose I thought I would try and prove to myself that you weren't as special as I thought you were, that it wouldn't be so hard when you go, whether that's in a month, or whether it's in a decade, or even fifty years from now when you're old and grey and not able to run, perhaps I'll have to buy you a hover chair. Amazing inventions those, it's a bit like a hover board from Back to the Future, you know that film the one with the mad Doctor in? Travelling in time? Brilliant film, full of flaws of course, but a good effort. Anyway, these hover chairs, they're like wheelchairs but they hover! Brilliant right?"

Rose gently cleared her throat and threw a pointed look at the Doctor.

"Ah yes, anyway, back to the point, where was I?

"Your stupidity?"

"Er, yes, well basically what I'm trying to say Rose, is that what happened on the space ship is a prime example of me being a bit of an idiot really. I didn't think things through, I didn't realise until I was trapped on the other side what that meant. For those few hours when I was thinking of ways to get back to you I realised that I was far too gone. I'm already in too deep. It's too late, looks like you're stuck with me for your forever after all. If you want to of course."

Seeing the Doctor look so nervous and unsure made it easier for Rose to reply.

"Y' really mean that Doctor? You're not just tryin' to make me feel better?"

"Rose Marion Tyler. I hereby declare that the TARDIS shall always be your home until you state otherwise.

But seriously Rose, today made me realise that I don't know how much longer I have left with you, someday you won't be here, but until then I promise I'll try not to push you away again. Though of course I may slip up, after all I am an old man, set in my ways and all that. So what d'ya think? You up for it? A lifetime stuck with me?"

**Thanks for reading! And thanks to everyone who reviewed/alerted/favourited this story those many months ago! Got one more chapter left ( can't let the Doctor off that easy,!) and then we're done! Thanks for everyone who has stuck around despite the horrible wait in between my last post, I won't leave it as long for the next one! Love to hear your thoughts!**

**Suki261/Amy**


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